I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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