Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I currently don't understand fingers.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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