Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
