She announced her abortion via fbk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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