if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
