I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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