So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize