I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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