i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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