That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
