Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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