No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it because I queefed?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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