No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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