I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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