Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
