Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
