did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
