Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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