Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
