I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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