they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
