i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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