having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
