if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What a dumb baby whore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
