If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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