it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
