Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
