Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
