I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
