he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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