Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
