I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
