I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just gift wrapped bread.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
