k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
