he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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