So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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