I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
