Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
