I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize