i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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