Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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