He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
