I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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