Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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