then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i think my cat just said my name.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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