I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
