next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
