i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
