I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
