Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
