Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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