I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
