she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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