well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
