Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
