I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
