eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
