I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
