I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
