I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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