so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
