Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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