I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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