I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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