my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
