oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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