I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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