birth control should be required to get into college
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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