If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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