Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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