I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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