I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
