You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
