Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
