If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry about my life...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you have feelings for this penis?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
