Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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